Alas, I think I have to reconsider and maybe take in the possibility of consulting a fellow psychiatrist. What the hell has gotten into me? Have I gone completely insane? Maybe my friends and acquaintances that know me are right when they judge me. Why the hell am I giving up a well-paid profession in which I have invested almost 20 years of my life? And which basically pleases me? What’s wrong with me? And I quit to do what, exactly? Stay at home? Am I not normal?
On the other hand, they don’t live your life, they only see a doctor who earns well and has a beautiful family. Hey, have you already forgotten how many times you came home after 10-11 hours of work, or after a 24-hour on-call duty, that in practice, was at least 30? And how when you got home and the only thing you wanted was half an hour of peace and quiet? How did your husband explain that to the child, who couldn’t wait for you to come home? That mommy has had a hard day at work and needed a moment to breathe? What did the little one say? Why can’t mommy and I breathe together? How many times has your husband told you that he doesn’t need a boatload of money, he needs a wife?
But it’s not about the money, I like what I do. The system is wrong. It ended up being standardized. It’s good in emergencies, where speed is essential, but not in other areas. We should not treat diseases, but patients. We rely too much on investigations and stopped thinking. We unknowingly turn ourselves into drug dealers. Where is the empathy and the ability to see the patient as a whole, alongside the environment in which they live? The vast majority of diseases are caused by the daily stress and panic of people who do not understand a basic principle, that there are no guarantees to life.
Then go back to your successful life. See your husband and child only on weekends, if you’re lucky. Oh, or on vacation. You can’t leave your job on time because pacients are your responsibility, but what about your responsibility to your family? What does this child learn from you? How to exhaust himself? How to sacrifice himself on the altar of a profession? Will that make you happy?
But then what should I do? What will be best?
Best for whom? Whatever decision you make, you won’t please everyone. If you give up practicing the profession, you will be categorized as an irresponsible doctor who wasted the money and resources of the state, who only cares about his own person instead of thinking about the good of the many. If you give up on your family, you are categorized as a bad wife and mother, who does not deserve her family. And what about you? Who should think about you and your best interest? The patients? The family? Or should you yourself be concerned with your own well-being? Who can predict the future? Who says the present cannot change? If you quit now it doesn’t mean you can’t come back, or maybe you’ll find an activity that gives you more pleasure and gives you more time for your family. Why are you standing still? Why are you hesitating? Why don’t you try to organize this tangle of thoughts? Do you want to remain a slave to the education you received? Do you want to remain a prisoner of society’s judgment? Or do you want to have freedom?
I want peace, inner peace, I want to be happy.
Then consciously take responsibility for your life, get your butt off the couch and get to work!
To be continued…
5. Oh, look, is that a smoking giant mushroom? No, it´s an atomic bomb!
