What are you talking about over there about landline phones and software?
Let’s see, when you were born you had no self-belief or self-worth, no mental habit or thought pattern, or if you want no program or application in your wired phone. From that moment the parents entered the scene and it started to flow with beliefs and values, with what is allowed and what is not allowed, with must and must not. And also, it started to flow with punishments one after another for the behaviors they didn’t want. This is how the first programs were installed in the wireless telephone, or, in other words, the first mental habits or thought patterns were created.
I hear my parents’ voice in my mind and lose myself in memories: Behave yourself, don’t get so dirty, you’re embarrassing me! A girl doesn’t talk like that, shame on you! Did you get third prize in first class? Well, what can you do if that’s your level, if you don’t like to study? You think hitting the books is hard, wait and see what it’s like to dig ditches.
Hey, wake up! The standards being very high, sometimes impossible to uphold, and the punishments appropriate, made you try to escape through reading and you came across other hidden programs. Stories, fairy tales also install their own beliefs and values. That kindness is always rewarded and wickedness punished, that hard and honest work is always fairly rewarded and laziness punished. And although you noticed that reality was different and had nothing to do with fairy tales, you were punished for breaking out of the established norms.
Other memories come to light from the fog of memory:
– You are no longer allowed to go out to play if you don’t know how to behave. Why did you push Mihai?
– Well, he always takes my soccer ball and his mother doesn’t do anything. She says she doesn’t have time for things like that. Why is he not punished?
– I don’t care how other parents raise their children. You do what I say. Don’t start whining and sulking, otherwise I’ll give you serious reasons to cry! Have you finished your homework?
– Not yet.
– But then what were you doing outside playing in the first place?
Bitter tears flow down my cheeks for the child in me who did not receive understanding and acceptance in the face of suffering an injustice and the anger returns with a thirst for vengeance. But this time, against whom should I direct it? Against my parents, what’s the point? Against the parents of the children who wronged me? I am filled with a great sadness and disappointment in life, than I realize that I am no longer a child, but I have one myself. What have I done so far?… Brutal honesty… Well, about the same, but with lighter and non-physical punishments. Is this a proof of lack of love on my part towards my child? No way, you love your child, but you were not aware of these pre-installed programs, these mental habits or thought patterns. But as they say old habits die hard, and any installed program can be uninstalled.
A new level of understanding and acceptance settles into my soul, infusing me with courage and hope like the light at the end of the… cannon? Where have I heard this before?
To be continued…
9. He was barely dead and didn’t have time to get his soul out and he said “May God forgive him!”